When my husband passed away in March 2016 I felt abandoned, left behind to fend for myself. Now, leaving the year 2016 behind, I feel an easing of my grief. But I do not want to leave him behind; I want him always in my present. Perhaps I am getting near to that place where I can keep him close while moving forward. Combining my current … Continue reading Left Behind
Emergence – the process of coming into being. When I awoke on December 1 it was as if I had opened the wrong door. The door to December 2015 instead of December 2016. It opened to a space filled with all the anguish, fear, love, and poignancy of twelve months ago. A month that drew on a deep well of reserves that I didn’t know … Continue reading Emergence
The coming of Fall heralds more change. So much has changed in the last months. The most difficult of changes is me – discovering, accepting, my life without my other half. Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and gardening has produced this series. Please click on the image for a better view. Continue reading Change
It’s been seven months. The constant pressure of my grief has abated but I don’t feel ready yet to let go of the pain. The pain tethers me to him, it’s what keeps me close to him. My grief raises its head at strange and unexpected moments. Today it was chili. He always made the chili. But it was a chili kind of day today … Continue reading Pain
Some days I spend so much energy fighting the loneliness and fear that I have nothing left. Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and gardening has produced this series. Please click on the image for a better view. Continue reading Depleted
Just when I think there are no more tears left, something like an anniversary comes along. I woke this morning with my eyes already welling with tears and as I blinked they escaped and dropped to pool on my pillow. Today marks the day I fell in love with my husband. Just like that. Over dinner. Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and … Continue reading Desiccated
A memory is triggered and becomes physical pain and I feel like I have been fooling myself in believing that I am working through this grief. Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and gardening has produced this series. Please click on the image for a larger view. Continue reading Mourning
The thing about grief, even as I have begun to incorporate ‘widow’ into who I am so that it no longer surprises me when I wake up each morning, my eyes still tear at the simplest moments, like looking at the box of oatmeal because that’s what he had for breakfast each morning. Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and … Continue reading Anguish
Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and gardening has produced this series. Please click on the image for a larger view. Continue reading Empathetic
Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and gardening has produced this series. Please click on the image for a larger view. Continue reading Supplicant
Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and gardening has produced this series. Please click on the image for a larger view. Continue reading Fragile
Combining my current state of grief with my pastimes of art and gardening has produced this series. Continue reading Isolated
“I want to listen with my heart and my mind and not my eyes and my ears …” – Valley of the Horses/ Jean M. Auel My heart takes wing in the varied colours of our love, in the joys that abound between us, in having a caring and loving heart to listen to mine, even though apart. I enjoy so very much being a … Continue reading Visual Quotation 76 – Listen
I found this today on my husband’s desk … Continue reading Grief
God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. – J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922 Happiness for me will mean being able to keep my memories alive, tucked away in special places of my heart, where they will never fade. Paula’s Black and White Sunday: What will make you happy? Continue reading Visual Quotation 74 – Memories
Around here we write for five minutes flat on Fridays. We set a timer, throw caution to the winds and try to remember what it was like to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. Write for 5 minutes flat on the prompt – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
Goodbye
She was in the process of moving. Since her husband died she was finding it harder and harder on her own. It was time to be closer to her daughters. Then, struck down herself she ended up in the hospital. She seemed to be on the road to recovery … her daughter visited and brought a pot of tea, because the hospital tea was just too terrible. They laughed together and parted with the words, I love you. Then, Continue reading “Five Minute Friday: Goodbye”
An anniversary today, a sad one. It’s been a year since we lost our dear, sweet Jaxxon. Man’s best friend? Yes. A comfort? Yes. Home-grown amusement? Yes. A frequent topic of conversation? Yes. A warm and fuzzy? Yes. A loving companion? Yes. Do we miss him? Yes, yes, and 
yes again.
We got Jax because of my husband – never had a dog that was just his, wanted one, we got one. I was more hesitant. I’d had ‘my dog’ – Continue reading “There will never be another Jaxxon”
Beyond the Brush 